Most of us grew up hearing “The Golden Rule”, which is, “Treat Others as You Want to be Treated.” While this holds great wisdom and advice I feel there is a more important rule we are not taught, even more critical for our well-being and life’s happiness. I will call it, “The Crystal Rule” and will explain why I have chosen this name later. The Crystal Rule is, “Treat Yourself as You Would Like Others to Treat You”. As humans the majority of us share the trait of being difficult and sometimes even downright cruel to ourselves. If we are not exhibiting this with our actions including self-sabotaging, then we are using our words and self-talk to belittle and challenge ourselves. If we stopped and thought about it we would recognize it is not motivating to berate ourselves, if anything it is self-defeating. In most cases we would not dare utter the damning words we say to ourselves to a loved one, so why do we insist on continuing the barrage of negative comments to ourselves? If we are telling ourselves of our limits, flaws and every seeming mis-step, then how could we possibly expect to be motivated enough to rise to a state of self-fulfillment and true joy?
We are truly mirrors reflecting to others how we want to be treated whether we are aware of it or not. So it is very important we know we are worth being treated well by others and to have a healthy dose of self-love and self-respect. When we are sure of ourselves, confident, grateful for who we are and comfortable in our own skin we can attract people to us that will treat us with the respect we know in our hearts we deserve.
We are taught from an early age of so many rules and expectations. The expectations from our parents, community or tribe, where we were raised along with the collective consciousness of existing as a human on this planet. We continue to judge ourselves with a running commentary every single day. It is important to recognize that we are all on this journey together and there are many lessons to be learned and on that path there will be some hiccups along the way. These challenges and hiccups are part of the learning process. Many times the most life-changing lessons are not learned without some challenges or downright struggle. During those struggles sometimes we will act in ways that in hindsight we might wish we didn’t but this is part of figuring it all out, learning and forward moving growth.
Just as we would tell a good friend it was “no big deal” or quickly forgive them if they said or did something that they regretted, we need to make it a habit to do the same for ourselves. Muttering to ourselves and repeating that moment over and over again will not erase it, instead it will give much more importance and power to it and keep us rooted in the past, where that event occurred. Berating ourselves will not allow us the grace and self-confidence we need to move forward or to be be happy in the present moment and it can even leave us in a state of fear so powerful it is hard to envision a healthy and happy future.
In my practice as an alternative healing practitioner and mentor, the one commonality I have found is this judgment and challenge we have with falling in love with ourselves. We can hug a loved one and truly feel that connection and unconditional love. Even if that loved one has made mistakes, isn’t “perfect” looking (whatever that means), and has some behaviors or traits that can use some work. We can even do that with a pet who has destroyed a personal possession we held dear. We can feel that love in every part of our body when we think of them and know we would do anything for them and that the love we feel, is in fact, unconditional. We need to begin to feel that unconditional love and forgiveness for ourselves on a daily basis. If we did something where we felt we “messed up” we would certainly be repeating it to ourselves in our head’s all day (and possibly all night). Why not instead begin to tell ourselves how wonderful we are? Beginning to concentrate on what we are grateful for in ourselves for making us, “us” can bring new found confidence. Actively learning to forgive ourselves and being gentle with ourselves just as we would if a young child, a loved one or a pet did something we deem, “bad or wrong”. We would probably bring it to their attention but afterward we would be able to let it go, just as we need to do with ourselves.
So why call it, “The Crystal Rule?” Well maybe the fact that I am blown away by the powers of working with Andara Crystals right now in my healing practice allowed me to come up with it, but my reasoning goes way beyond that. So much study has gone into the creation of crystals as well as to how we, as humans are formed. Crystals can form from a liquid or gas into many different beautiful shapes, colors and consistencies. You may pick a crystal up and see it as imperfect, (it is not a perfect circle, triangle, etc. or perfectly smooth) but in fact they are all pretty miraculous.. just like each and every one of us. We need to embrace what some might call imperfections and recognize we are all indeed miracles ourselves. The fact that we can breathe, have our heart beat and the many other systems our body manages without us having to think about it is miraculous. Our ability to store an incredible amount of information as some crystals are able to do is also mind blowing. We are all different and beautiful just as the myriad of crystals and we too, have many different properties. We are that “diamond” in the rough so to speak and have more beautiful aspects of ourselves than we ever give ourselves credit and gratitude for.
Some of my favorite crystals are the ones that have that character to them and are not by any means perfect as one might traditionally categorize them. The life lessons we have learned along the way might be our nicks and scrapes but they are part of what makes us who we are and that is the perfection in our imperfections. This being human has its challenges but the more we fall in love with ourselves the more we allow others to fall in love with us. The more gratitude we give ourselves the more we give others permission to be grateful for us. The more we are kind and forgiving to ourselves the more we invite others to be kind and forgiving to us. So, please don’t just remember the Crystal Rule but try to live by the Crystal Rule and see how your life and relationships begin to change quickly for the better.
I love giving people tools on how to give back to themselves.