Humans are self-sabotaging beings. Even if we feel we know without a doubt what we want to change or create, we will meet so much resistance along the way that it can seem so much easier to stay where we are. No matter how far we get on that path there will usually be a hesitation to get to the next level. The bigger the change the greater the resistance. Fear and self-sabotaging habits come in and we might feel that we must be insane since we have worked so hard to get to where to begin this change – how could we possibly not be putting 100% of our energy toward what we want at all times?
I faced this in about every stage of writing my book and having it published and I was very grateful I had written the tools I needed to fall back on to keep on my path. With a healthy dose of self-love and some good tools, we can truly step through the fear and out of our comfort zones to embrace any new change that’s desired.
Our ego is in place to keep us safe. It keeps us in familiar situations because we all have been told from birth “change is scary”. Our ego is not punishing us, but is there to protect us. When we begin to take action to facilitate the change and start seeing real progress, self-sabotage and/or fear kicks in. It is good to know that it is simply our ego trying to protect us. In knowing this and being kind and loving to ourselves, we can look fear in the face and see if it is rational at all. We can ask ourselves if the prize on the other side is great enough and motivating enough to do what we need to get there and stay with that motivation as we witness ourselves self-sabotaging or becoming very fearful
I feel the two quotes that sum up the necessity for change best are Albert Einstein saying “Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” and Heraclitus when he said, “The only thing that is constant is change”. Everything in this world is in a constant state of change and we need to be present enough to know where we are and where we want to be in all areas of our lives. When we decide to grow and change, we need to show ourselves kindness, self-love and patience so we can navigate the change consciously.
When I was writing my book and had deadlines, there were so many tasks that came up that could have been put off that suddenly “I had to do”. Anything except face the fear of actually finishing and all the fears that I knew handing the book in would bring up. My ego was telling me maybe it wasn’t good enough; perhaps I would be getting horrible reviews; maybe I needed to learn more. Oh it is amazing the negative self-talk and fears that can come up when we are taking this next step out of our comfort zone.
To get myself through this resistance, I turned to my book for help and re-read the chapters and practiced the exercises on self-love, self-sabotage, fear and worry to get me through to the next steps on my desired path to becoming a published author. During this process, I was facing several fears even knowing that I was writing a book on overcoming them and have been practicing this stuff for over 7 years and still I needed help with each new step I took out of my own comfort zone.
The best and only person to help you through this stage is yourself. It helps having support from loved ones and I will say having my sweetheart, Vinny, my friends and my family be supportive did feel good and I felt very lucky in that regard. But they were not going to write the book for me. They weren’t going to lock me in a room and not allow me out until it was done. The only person who could navigate me through that fear and out of my comfort zone was myself and with the use of my tools, I did so.
I tell my clients I also think of it like a rubber band pulling backwards and meeting more and more resistance. The more steps we take in that direction of change, the more resistance we will meet. Until we let go. When we let go, we are sprung forward onto the next step and the Universe rises up to support us because we had that faith. For me, in this instance, it was finishing the book and giving it into the publisher no matter how uncomfortable it made me.
Since finishing, I have had so many synchroncities, connections and while I don’t want to call them miracles – it has felt like downright miracles have occurred. Each step is new and slightly uncomfortable. Editing, working with the publishers on the cover and title, promoting and marketing, asking for reviews and help all the way to where I am now where the book comes out in less than a month. I have no clue what the next 4 months of promotion even look like, but I am sure to encounter even more fears to work through as this is a huge change and step outside my comfort zone. But by having faith and self-love and using the tools, I am able to get through each step and it might not be too comfy, but I know I can make it to the other side.
When you feel yourself struggling to make it to that next step, ask yourself if that fear is real. Listen to the messages you are sending yourself. Berating yourself is not going to motivate you or allow you to trust enough to move forward. Watch your self-sabotaging habits and see how you can move through them or alter them. Trust the universe and your intuition, and most of all, give yourself a healthy dose of self-love and patience as you go through all these phases. You are human after all and we all do it.
In my book, “A Short Path to Change: 30 Ways to Transform Your Life”, I finally have a way to share these easy tools for moving forward and moving through fear, self-sabotage and all the other discomfort as well as teaching loving tools such as patience and self-love to create significant and lasting change in all areas of your life and that was my motivation to write this book from the very start.