Most of us face issues with self-love and with self-judgment. We can spend hours, if not days or longer ruminating over one thing we think we have said or done “wrong”. Are you taking the time to balance that out and also give yourself credit for all the things you do “right” every day? If you are insulting and berating yourself instead of giving yourself credit and love, do you feel that is motivating or dis-empowering? When we begin to show ourselves love and gratitude it’s both motivating and empowering. It is an affirmation to our soul that we love ourselves and appreciate life and from that space true miracles can occur.
Whatever we focus our energy on expands. If we begin thinking that something we have said or done is wrong, it can appear to grow before us in weight and heaviness. When we are insulting ourselves and putting our energy there, the solutions don’t come from that. We all need to take responsibility for our actions. I am not saying to excuse any behavior, but I do know from working with clients and my own experience that most of what we feel we have done or said wrong is an extreme exaggeration and no one is thinking about it as critically as we are. Ruminating over it makes it grow in importance and can take away from your self-esteem making you feel weak which affects all areas of your life.
What if at night you thought of all the nice things you did for others that day? Maybe you held a door for someone, gave a friend or co-worker a compliment, called a friend or family member you knew was having a rough time, let someone ahead of you in line, made a meal for your family… there are so many nice things we do in a day and we are so quick to dismiss those and focus on what we did not “do right”. When we start to pay ourselves gratitude it can feel downright uncomfortable. We are simply not used to it. If we start to do it on a regular basis, we can begin to notice we are standing straighter, feel more confident, have more energy and are radiating light and love to those around us.
Love begins with us. We reflect out to others how we expect to be treated. We cannot have self-love without giving ourselves some well needed pats on the back. Just as you would be quick to thank someone or give them a huge hug for something they did nice for you – you need to begin to do the same for yourself!
I ask when you notice the things you feel you have said or done “wrong” that you give yourself credit for even noticing. Ask yourself if there is anything to be done about them. Perhaps you would feel better if you apologized. Maybe it is not a big deal at all and the only thing you need to do is forgive yourself and make the intention to react, say or do something differently the next time a similar situation presents itself. I am asking you to make note and then to move on instead of letting it grow in importance. Only you can give yourself permission to do this!
My challenge for you? Tonight and for as many nights in a row as you can – think of one or two things you did or said that day that you are happy with. Maybe you completed a project at work. Perhaps you reached out to someone or told someone how grateful you were for them and felt their love and appreciation for you. Maybe you made healthy food choices and exercised. You know there are things you did today and things you do every day that make your life and other people’s lives better. It is time to focus on these! I guarantee if you do this for a week you will feel more energy, lighter and the Universe will react accordingly – bringing you more and more experiences to be grateful for.
Thank you Jenny for sharing your wonderful insights. It is good to be reminded that it is always possible to be kinder to ourselves. I am learning that all change starts from within and it is possible to change through being forgiving and compassionate to myself. I am sure your advice is helping many people .
Hi Sara, Thank you so much for your kind words! Once we tap into self-love and worth – we truly are limit-less. We know we are worthy of living the life of our dreams. We can all use reminders to be a little nicer to ourselves – we deserve it! Thank you for reading and commenting Sara.
With Love, Jenny
Hi Sara, Thank you so much for your kind words. I am passionate about helping others and know we are all unlimited though we may feel anything but. Just as if an animal or child is yelled at, criticized and treated poorly they would retreat and feel weak we do the same to ourselves every day and wonder why we don’t have more energy. It is healing to give ourselves permission to love ourselves. And so very necessary for us to step into our unlimitedness of being! Thank you so much for commenting! <3 Sending love, xo
Such wisdom, Jenny, and such great advice to help us get started on some positive habits of mind.
Thanks so much Reba. You know and teach just how important that self love is. It begins with being kinder to ourselves and it can take only a few minutes a day to begin to put healthy habits into place and then you get to watch as your life transforms!! If we treat ourselves as we would treat our closest loved ones – life takes on a whole new level of beauty and flow. Much love, xoxo
Wonderful reminder to consciously be kind to ourselves, Jenny. I do have a tendency to be extremely hard on myself, and for things that in the bigger picture, don’t really matter. I set incredibly high standards for myself and know I would be wise to loosen up and let go a bit and finally embrace that it is just too stressful For the next few nights I will stop and think of as many things as possible that I feel happy about! Thanks!
Hi Beverley, I call myself a “recovering perfectionist” so totally resonate with your words. We would never say the things we say to ourselves to our loved ones so why do we feel it is okay to set the bar so high for ourselves? It is habit, the fact that we weren’t taught any differently and as women we feel it in ways because we are taught from an early age women should be nurturing to everyone else but not taught that it begins with us. If our well is filled we have more water to give. Beating ourselves up is like constantly draining water… we will feel depleted, not motivated and like someone has beat us up – because we have! I try to laugh at myself sometimes – we take ourselves way too seriously and out too much pressure on ourselves. When we lighten up on ourselves our lives will feel lighter – a lesson I keep on learning. 😉 Yup, notice I said recovering not recovered perfectionist! ;-P Sending much love. Thank you so much for commenting. xo
I just had an opportunity to switch from a state of anxiousness doing some technical steps to requesting the rep stay with me on the phone until I was done. She kept telling me not to rush, no pressure & slowly I followed her guidance & we took care of an important task. My breath returned to normal & I felt good I asked for that extra help.
Hi Roslyn, Thanks for sharing that. When we go slow and are patient with ourselves and are brave enough to ask for help – WOW it feels good. i am glad you had someone patiently guiding you! We can sometimes feel like we don’t want to put the other person out and suffer in silence not asking for that help. That serves no one. We know how good it feels to help someone and by asking we are giving someone else that same opportunity plus we are getting that extra support. It is a win win!! Sending love and am so grateful for your comment! <3