As humans we are self-sabotaging beings. It can be downright scary when we think of undertaking something we dare only to dream about. Knowing what to expect as you take this step up and beyond your comfort zone is a good way to ensure success on your journey there. This is about you stepping into your own greatness and THAT is to be celebrated!
1) Question the Goal — I would like you to put your hand on your heart and imagine this goal is complete. How does that make you feel? If it is 80 percent joy with about 20 percent terror that probably is a good goal for you. Goals are something that excite you from the inside out. They are not something you feel you MUST do, but something that you want to do for YOU; learn something new, write a book, step into a new position at work, get healthier, launch a new business idea… however that looks to you — something that is uniquely you and gets your heart pounding a little with the excitement of completion.
2) Expect Resistance — We are self-sabotaging human beings. It does not matter how much we say we want something — in most cases self-sabotage always comes into play. Our ego will rise up and say, “Now isn’t it more comfy in this other more known space?” Our ego is not trying to hurt us, but rather protect us. Acknowledging the resistance puts us in an easier space to take the next step.
3) Be Kind, Patient and Forgiving With Yourself — When self-sabotage comes up, know this is simply an affirmation that you indeed are moving out of your comfort zone. Be glad you have noticed and give yourself some love for being present enough to observe. Take a few moments, close your eyes and imagine a close loved one coming to you with the same kind of resistance, self-sabotage and negative self-talk that you have found yourself battling. Give yourself some love and advice from that space. It is usually much easier to give a close loved one advice then to get out of our own heads and be as loving and forgiving to ourselves.
4) Be Present — Enjoy the ride! Take some time to notice each step. Notice what you are doing to make this goal happen. Pay attention to the synchronicities that are helping you along the way. If the goal needs adjusting or it has led you to something you find even more exciting, notice it and give yourself the permission to re-adjust. If something feels very wrong, take some time and put your hand on your heart with your eyes closed and ask for guidance. Take things one step at a time and give the Universe a little wiggle room to provide the next step. Things don’t always work out the exact way we expect them to — but sometimes there is something even greater waiting for us. Enjoying each step allows the next step to unfold perfectly.
5) Pay Gratitude — You can bet if you felt you did something “wrong” the negative self-talk would be coming in strong. Instead you need to be your own inner cheerleader on this ride. Pay gratitude for each step (however insignificant it may seem) that you have taken to get to this goal. Pay gratitude for the people, circumstances and tools you used to get there. If you are a writer — feel grateful you have a computer, typewriter or pen and paper to write with. If you are learning something new — give gratitude for whatever resources you have to educate yourself. Pay gratitude to yourself for sticking with this journey toward your goal even though you have faced resistance! Know that you are doing the best you can and that if it was anyone else you would be giving them high accolades. Time to give those to yourself.
6) Reaching the Goal — When you reach the goal, expect lots of emotions and pay attention to those that come up. Maybe you feel overwhelmed with excitement, fear, and this sense of, “Okay so now what?” Again, appreciate the current moment. If you feel issues around self-worth come up — look at them and give yourself a ton of credit for sticking with this journey even though it was not all easy or comfortable. Look at the emotions and give thanks to them — they are giving you important messages about how you feel about yourself and about stepping out of your comfort zone. You are human and your emotions are there as a guidepost. Celebrate and shower yourself with love — you have made it! Bask in it — allow friends and loved ones to help you celebrate however you see fit and make sure you take some quiet, meditative time for yourself to relax into completion!
7) Thinking About What’s Next – When you are in the space of completing this goal, stop for a second and get quiet. Put your hand on your heart, take some breaths and ask yourself how you can use this forward momentum to help you create your next goal. Maybe it is related and maybe it isn’t — there is no judgment here. This is about giving yourself credit for having completed a task as well as knowing you are continually growing. I am not saying to be a taskmaster and start this new goal a day after reaching the current one. Time is relative and you will know the perfect time to begin that next goal. After completing the first goal I have seen some people become complacent, “Okay… did that, now I am done.” We always want to be growing, learning and expanding. You have proven you could do it once — time to think about what the next goal might look like. Give yourself lots of love and gratitude for this expansion and for all the future ones to come.
I know from writing my book, A Short Path to Change: 30 Ways to Transform Your Life, resistance, self-sabotage and so many other interesting human qualities come up as we are working toward a big goal. In being loving, kind, grateful and present and taking the above steps you can more comfortably and confidently move beyond your comfort zone. It might be a little challenging on the way there, but I have faith that every person can do and be all they imagined and more. I hope you have fun and enjoy the ride along the way and look forward to seeing what you create!
I agree with all the points you mentioned above. And especially about paying gratitude.
Unless we learn the art to be thankful to the world we can never attain finer things in life.
Thanks for writing this
Hi Tuhin, Thanks so much for visiting and commenting! I consider gratitude the most powerful of all emotions – it is love and presence combined with appreciation – it doesn’t get much better than that! When we begin to implement gratitude for all things in our life along with gratitude for ourselves and how far we have come – it attracts so much more goodness to us. Thanks again Tuhin. <3
This is a powerful post. I like the steps what you mentioned. Thank you, Jenny!
Thank you so much for visiting and commenting Theresia! I am so grateful you enjoyed it. We all face the same challenges when stepping outside our comfort zone but oh does it feel oh so good when we arrive! Sending Blessings <3
Great post, Jenny! I especially like the 80/20 ratio indicator as to whether it’s a good goal or not – that’s helpful and more realistic than hoping for blue skies all the way. I also appreciate the ‘pay gratitude’ reminder. xo
I love that you visited and commented Reba – thank you. I am big on the gratitude!! I also am aware that every single goal I make I need to assess and see if it is truly in my best and highest interest and it feels like that 80/20 rule has worked well for me. So grateful for our connection. Much Love <3
Thanks for these lovely affirming steps for all of us to take a leap outside of our comfort. I really liked the gentleness you infused into each of the steps. We humans are indeed self-sabotaging creatures and often we aren’t even aware of it. The key is to have the ability to step back, observe ourselves and to become more conscious. Change is very possible with practice. Thanks Jenny!
Thank you so much Beverley for taking the time to comment. Change can indeed be not half as hard as we imagine it. With presence and self-love we can truly transform any aspect of our life. It is understanding our human-ness, presence and in not being so hard on ourselves that we can truly discover and tap into our inner powers. And boy is it fun when we do!! <3 Grateful for your comment. Wishing you a wonderful weekend. <3
I absolutely love all the points you mentioned above and have a feeling this will be a post I refer back to time and time and again. Thank you for sharing so generously Jenny.
Thanks so much Julia. Yes, we can all use some help, self-love and kindness when finding our way out of our comfort zone! I am so glad the post resonated and you took the time to comment. Wishing you a beautiful weekend. <3
Thank you for this article, Jenny. It is a good reminder that self-sabotage is totally normal 🙂 I struggled with this for so long and now I’m aware of the pattern in myself. The missing piece for me is that it is quite common and that I can let go of the shame of doing it also.
Hi Eleanor, Yes, seeing the self-sabotage and accepting it is a pattern and loving ourselves enough to not beat ourselves when we see it is so powerful. Look at it “Hmmm, interesting” and asking yourself how you can choose differently but not falling into judgment but rather loving yourself through it as you would a friend that would come to you. No shame in being human! ;-P We can always make our lives easier but it is up to us – THAT is the challenging part. Having enough self-love to move on through it. <3 Thank you so much for commenting. Sending Love <3
Self sabotage- no- not me- not other enlightened beings, but as I read thru your steps I could see the very subtle ways we do. Good wake up call.
Thank you Rosyln. Oh yup- I think it is so funny I wrote the self-sabotage chapter last in my book though it was not the last chapter… The word itself brings up resistance. Oh WHY would I self-sabotage??? Well. we’re human and all do it that’s why. We’ve been programmed that life is hard and even as we awaken part of us clings so strongly to the old and the lack of self-love and self-worth. It’s all about peeling those layers off and being very kind to ourselves in the process. It’s always worth it with the new growth!! Sending love and blessings, <3