3 Tools to Utilize When Life Feels Out of Control

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Have you felt it over the last year?

The feeling like life is speeding up and at times like you have no control with all that is going on around you?  “The only thing constant in life is change” as the wise Heraclitus said and this has never been more true.

We are being given opportunities to consciously bring in change by harnessing the power we have over our own lives.  Some people are not up to this challenge, feeling unworthy of an easier life, overwhelmed as their “stuff” from the past seems to be getting larger, bolder, and almost screaming at them, “THIS IS NOT WORKING!”

Well if something has not been working in your life, only YOU hold the power to change this pattern.  It takes us slowing things down and becoming mindfully aware of what we have been creating and then to choose something different.  When we have transformational tools and begin to welcome this change consciously into our life instead of resisting it, the Universe will work with us to help us create and bring in this new positive result into our lives.  

Whether it be a pattern with dysfunctional relationships or jobs, unhealthy eating or physical habits, numbing out with TV, cigarettes, or anything else that you feel dulls the pain of existing or self-sabotage – you do have the power within to lovingly break this pattern and create fast lasting change.  It sure helps having tools as we go through this and I have found if you have self-reflection mixed with gratitude, self-love/self-worth and presence you have the all the tools necessary to jump start that lasting change and it probably won’t take a fraction of the time you thought it would.

Tool #1, Self-Reflection and Gratitude – Most people are really good at beating themselves about the goals they have not yet achieved or what they have not yet accomplished.  It makes sense that this is a non-motivating and quite disempowering behavior.  Maybe you don’t have the ideal relationship, job, circle of friends, spiritual or exercise practice, financial abundance or something else you thought you might have “by this point in your life.”  I want to tell you that YOU are your harshest critic and you can start turning this around today by telling yourself you are right where you need to be on this journey and taking your power back to move forward.

  • Action Step: I want you to look at whatever this unhealthy pattern is and close your eyes. Tell yourself you are worthy of changing this pattern as you ask yourself one reason this pattern has been in place or how it has reflected what you feel/felt about yourself.  If it is an unhealthy relationship, job, eating pattern, or numbing out – perhaps these reflected the lack of self-worth and confidence you felt to move past it.  If this is a reaction to a stress behavior – it has most likely been a coping mechanism and the only tool you felt you had available. Whatever it is express gratitude for yourself for understanding and noticing there is a healthier alternative available to you. If it was a loved one coming to you with this you would reach out with love, hugs and three different ways this could work out.  Give yourself gratitude that you want to be healthier and happier and make the promise to yourself you will be kind to yourself as you bring about this new change which leads me to the next point.

Tool #2, Self-Love/Self-Worth –  Most people have not been taught how to love themselves. Most are taught the Golden Rule, “Treat Others as You Want to be Treated.” But in reality, most people don’t even treat themselves so well.  The Golden Rule is a wonderful rule in theory if we knew how lovable we were and felt that unconditional love for ourselves. I wrote an article that was called “The Crystal Rule” and in it I brought up a rule I feel needs to come even before the Golden Rule. The Crystal Rule is, “Treat Yourself as You Would Like Others to Treat You.”  It begins with us.  Knowing you are worthy of the life you dare to dream of. You are truly a mirror reflecting to others how you feel you should be treated. You need to know you are worthy of abundance and goodness in all areas of your life; emotionally, physically, mentally, in relationships, financially and spiritually. You deserve to be happy just as you want your closest loved ones to be happy, but it takes you OWNING this and knowing you might have to remove things in your life that have been in place self-sabotaging you from moving forward.

  • Action Step:  This is a two part process. First, I want you to get in front of a mirror and tell yourself you love yourself and deserve to be happy.   Secondly I want you to reflect on one thing in your life that you are grateful for about yourself.  Maybe you consider yourself a good listener, perhaps you have a creative gift such a singing, dancing, drawing, or cooking.  Maybe you love to help others or you take classes like yoga or something you are passionate about.  Maybe you make dinner for your spouse or kids a few times a week. Give yourself one thing and I want you to take one whole minute to bask in self-gratitude. Look again in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself and you are ready for this change. See yourself on this other side of this change you want to create and give yourself tons of credit for sticking with it even if you took a few steps, seemingly backwards, in the process. Each step was all part of the journey and brought you to where you are right in this moment.

Tool #3, Presence/Consciousness – You cannot move forward if you are living in the past or beating yourself up with worry about what the future holds.  All of your power comes from the present moment.  In this moment you hold the key to tuning in and coming up with more powerful behaviors, decisions and reactions.  The answer won’t come with saying you have seen proof you cannot change over and over. The power to change won’t come from feeling like life is hard and this is the way things are.  The power comes from knowing you are worthy of this change. This pattern has not served you and you are very ready to let go of it to let something better into your life. Only you can give yourself permission to move forward.  

  • Action Step:  Tell yourself it is safe to make this change.  Look at one thing you are desiring to change in your life.  Come up with one step you can take toward creating a healthier habit.  Make it a small step as a big one might be met with a lot of resistance.  Tell yourself you will notice when this unhealthy behavior comes up as it is happening and that you will be kind and loving to yourself as you notice. Remember it begins with you.  Perhaps if you desire a healthier job you will need a skill and will begin looking into a way to do that. If you want to stop spending so much time on the internet or in front of the TV – list 3 things you can do instead that would be healthier and would leave you feeling happier. Only you can give yourself permission to take this first step.  Taking this first step will build your confidence enough so you can take the next.  Be sure to give yourself tons of gratitude for any and all steps taken and be kind to yourself if you feel you have taken a step back. It is all part of your path to change.

You are worthy! You deserve a happy, healthy, prosperous life – only you can give yourself permission and the self-love you need to take that step. I believe in you and know you can do it.  I would love to be of service to you if my words resonate. Best wishes on your journey!

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