It has been truly been an honor to connect with people from Europe, South America, Asia, The Caribbean Islands, Australia, New Zealand, Africa and all over the United States during the last 15 years. I have worked with people of all ages (from children to people in their 90’s) and have had so many revelations along the way. Three seem very relevant right now with all going on in the world are; how similar we all are, that we all have had some form of trauma and that we can all be a heck of a lot kinder to ourselves. I also have included some exercises to feel the revelations and connect to ourselves and others from a broader perspective and with love.
1) We are all more similar than we think. One of the themes from the last few years has been how different we all are. Our views, our truths, our opinions and stories have separated us more in the last few years than any other time in my lifetime (I turn 53 in a few weeks). We have all witnessed the repercussions of these feelings of separation in the world and certainly in our own individual lives as well. Many of us have clung to “what separates us” in deciding who we will allow into our inner circle, who we will continue to be social media friends with and what kind of celebrities (be it movie stars, people from the music industry or government officials) we want to follow or believe in. I am certainly ALL FOR discernment and healthy boundaries. I also feel the judging and reacting, rather than discernment has been more of what has been occurring in a lot of cases. We truly never know what another person has been through. I don’t care HOW close we feel we are to them – we have not been with them every second of every day and most importantly we have not been in their head and known how they have processed or not processed their own life. In coaching people from all over the world I see many more similarities than differences. We all at our core want and crave love, safety, happiness, and a feeling of validation and self-worth and connection. We all truly deserve these qualities in our lives but so many times we focus our energy on the difference, which allows them to expand.
Exercise for Connection: Take 5 minutes to turn off your phone and be present. Take a few breaths slowly in and out and center yourself. Close your eyes. Bring someone to mind that you have had complications with. PLEASE DO NOT pick the #1 person that rubs the wrong way as you begin this exercise. Maybe this person is a relative, friend or co-worker you don’t see eye to eye with. Bring that person to mind like they are right in front of you. Place your hands on your heart and imagine one hand is on your heart and the other is on the heart of the other person. You can even outstretch the other hand if that makes it feel more real to you. NOW, bring to mind things you LIKE about the person – it could be something superficial like they have great hair, it could be that they have a good sense of humor, maybe they have a hobby like cooking or donate to charity. EVERY person has some good qualities. Bring to mind something you like about that person and allow the hand that is on their heart to warm, filling with the love and acknowledgment you are sending there. Next bring to mind something you have in common. Maybe you are both men or women, maybe you both love animals, perhaps you both enjoy travel or being a foodie. We ALL have things in common no matter how different we may seem. Now, see the hand on their heart growing even warmer and see them smile. Feel that warmth go up that hand and arm and travel all the way to your heart. Feel the warmth in your heart and that connection. Smile feeling that connection. Know we are always sending energy with our thoughts and emotions,. You just sent this person love. They sent it back. Feel that love and give yourself gratitude for being conscious of the similarities between the two of you. If you have time, see if you can do this for someone else in your life. Give yourself and inner hug for taking this time as you open your eyes.
2) Everyone has some form of trauma. I was amazed as I started to work with people all the stories I was told of extreme trauma growing up. If you believed the shows and movies presented to you, YOU might have believed you were the exception if you did not have some kind of “normal”, “supported” and “mostly happy” childhood. There might have some short-lived dilemma’s thrown in, but those were simply moments that the family would all face head-on, bond together and get stronger through. What a load of BS! The secrets, abuse (displayed in many ways), cycles of hurt and disempowerment I have heard of daily for the last 15 years have sometimes kept me up at night. It’s not always the parents it originates with, but it usually begins with a family member or someone close to the family – a teacher, a family friend, etc. It could be later in life within an intimate relationship or feeling the pressures of society or community. It can be easy to fall into victimhood and stay there when you don’t have the tools or self-worth to move forward. I know some people ARE victims of horrific occurrences it can seem almost impossible to see moving past. It can be easy to blame the people that have not done the work to show up for you the best version of themselves. But I remind myself of these two quotes often, “Hurt people hurt people” and Deepak Chopra’s Quote, “You must remember everyone is doing the best they can from their own level of consciousness”. We have all been through a collective trauma the last few years and that energy of grief, trauma and sudden change is something we have all had to process in one way or another.
Healing trauma can sometimes be in an instant but it can also take a lot of inner work. If even reading the word “trauma” is traumatizing.. please move onto #3 on this list. In the exercise I will ask that you bring a challenging time to your mind but, please, NOT your greatest trauma. Not something that threatened your safety or life. Not something triggering and that you have been trying to work through for years.. Something that perhaps brought up feelings of hurt, distrust or a feeling of not knowing what was next or needing support. IF this exercise feels too triggering right now, stop it, and if you need to – call a health care professional or someone that can support you.
Exercise to BEGIN to Heal Trauma – Please begin by three rounds of Box Breathing. This is a breathing technique given to Navy Seals and is VERY Calming. This is when you breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for a count of 4 and hold for a count of 4. Get in a comfy position, close your eyes, put your hands on your heart and do this three times. Bring to mind a situation that caused you some trauma or grief. If you feel your heart rate going up you can always return to Box Breathing to relax deeper again. Bring in the emotion of that trauma – did it cause distrust? Lack of self-esteem? Feeling hurt or disappointed? I want you to name an emotion other than trauma. I then want you to say to yourself as compassionately as you would a friend, “I am so sorry this happened to you”. Take a deep breath in and feel that love as if a loved one was saying this to you. As you exhale – exhale out the emotion that the trauma caused. Again, see yourself saying that you are so sorry this happened to you in a VERY compassionate way on the inhale and as you exhale – exhale out the emotion related to the trauma. Do this one more time. Sit and do 3 rounds of box breathing. Notice if you feel a little less heavy. Know you can repeat this as often as possible.
3) We all can be kinder to ourselves – Wow we are all so hard on ourselves. We are living through a time like no other and we expect to be able to function and thrive during it without any kind of instruction manual. Life throws so many curveballs, traumas and changes at us and we are taught to suck it up and move forward. We usually are not taught introspection, meditation or how to process emotions in school. Many of us do not take the time needed to properly process emotions which can lead to our negative self talk becoming our go-to communication with ourselves. Brene Brown’s book and HBO series “Atlas of the Heart” does an amazing job of that and I highly recommend checking it out. We tend to repeat limiting thoughts from others, from our collective and often don’t even hear ourselves saying them. “I’m so dumb”, “WHY didn’t I know better”, “I’ll never be able to fill in the blank (be successful, have a healthy relationship, be as fit as I want, etc.) We cannot begin to lead the life we want until we have looked at our inner dialogue and started to become our biggest cheerleader instead of our harshest critic. Are you speaking to yourself with the same love you offer a loved one or a pet? If not, it is time to reassess and gently begin to change that inner dialogue. It is an ongoing process and not another thing to beat yourself up about if you struggle with it. Each day and in each moment you get a new opportunity to be kinder and gentler with yourself.
Exercise to begin to be kinder to yourself – Decide you are taking 5 minutes for yourself and please turn off your phone and all other distractions. Get in a comfy position, close your eyes and begin to set the intention to pay attention to your breath. No need to do anything except become aware of it, and if you like you can set the intention for it to slow down. You are in a safe place and are taking this time for you – please give yourself an inner hug for carving out this time. As you put your hands on your heart I want you to inhale and think to yourself you are breathing in love. As you exhale I want you to think to yourself that you are exhaling stress. If it’s comfy breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do this a few times. Now, lightly bring to mind a quality you like about yourself. Maybe you reach out to loved ones, like to cook, love nature, love animals, etc. Something that you consider a quality you are proud of. I want you to bring to mind an instance where you demonstrated that quality – creating a yummy meal if you love to cook, felt good about reaching out to someone, felt the love of a pet, etc. Bring that in with every sense, how did that feel?, look?, What emotions came up? Were there smells involved? Sink into that moment and give yourself gratitude for that quality and also for taking this time to feel proud of yourself. Usually we just keep pushing ourselves without giving ourselves credit for all we do and are. Breathe in the love of that moment and quality and exhale out any resistance you feel you giving yourself this credit. Do this a few times. Give yourself an inner hug and know that any time you are feeling stressed or upset with yourself this is an easy and quick exercise to do to feel better and relief. Open your eyes with a promise to be mindful to be a little kinder to yourself today.
We all are in uncharted territory these days. We all deserve love. We all deserve patience. We all are getting up each day and doing the best we can in that moment. I love that we can connect with people all over the world. I feel it is important to recognize our similarities, try to heal some of our traumas and be a whole lot nicer to ourselves. I would love to know if you feel the same. Sending much love your way!
I would welcome comments! Also if you would feel like you can use some support, please sign up for my free Course, “Re-Awakening Self-Love Through the Chakras”, which includes free entry into my online Community, “Re-Awaken You!” Hope to see you there! If you would like some energetic help removing blocks/restrictions – the Akashic Record Readings/Clearings that I facilitate are a quick way to shift some energy and move onto new possibilities. There are also my quick Life Path Focus Readings to help you along your journey! I would be honored to connect with you!