Humans are self-sabotaging beings. We will make life much more challenging than it needs to be for ourselves citing such “facts” as 1) “I’ve got no time for change.” 2) “This is just the way things are.” 3) “I don’t have the resources to move forward.” 4) “I’ve been in this pattern for so long – this is just the way life is.” I want to say as gently as possible that none of these are valid excuses. If we keep telling ourselves we are stuck, we will in fact remain stuck and invested in our self-destructive patterns. I ask that you give yourself permission to move forward into healthier patterns. At soul level you know you are worthy of more from life and are entitled to joy and ease. It is time to take those steps to catapult you onto the next stage of your life.
- A Healthy Dose of Self Love – We are self-deprecating creatures. This is not inspiring, non motivating and can keep us in a state of feeling that there is no possible way our situation can change. Whether it be a new career, new relationship, new weight or exercise regime, new spiritual practice or other – we will make up excuses. We can spend time berating ourselves for the smallest of things but we don’t take the time to show ourselves love. We would never treat a loved one or a child this way. Time to switch it up!
- Action Step: Look at the issue you are facing that you need to change and give yourself credit. Credit for having the desire to change it and gratitude for knowing you are worthy of more. Write down 5 things that you love about yourself and then repeat these to yourself aloud or in your head. You can either revel in a specific one or go through all 5 for a few nights this week before bed and a few mornings around your wakeup routine. I ask that you stay in this feeling of gratitude for yourself for at least 3 minutes.
- Setting an Intention – So, you want to move forward but are overwhelmed at the prospect. There might be several areas of your life that need tune ups and to look at them all at the same time can leave you feeling stuck in place. Pick one or two areas to begin with so you are not overwhelmed. When working with clients, I tend to separate life & intentions into the areas of physical, financial, mental, relational (all kinds of relationships not just significant other), emotional and spiritual.
- Action Step: Pick one or two of these areas of your life where you know you need work. Set an intention for how you see your best self in this area a year or two from now. When you give yourself more time it removes the pressure that you need to be this way NOW. The next step is to set a mini goal that will give you some forward momentum. For example, say your long term intention is to have a healthy relationship with a significant other. Your mini goal if you are single could be to join a dating site, or to find something in your community you like doing so you will meet someone with a similar interest, or possibly writing a list of the qualities you want that partner to have. If you are in a relationship that needs work some work, a long term intention for you is to work through your differences and to be happy again. A short term goal can be to make a conscious effort to do things together that you know bring you joy – instead of falling into the binge tv watching habit or another habit that has the two of you not fully present with each other. If your long term intention is in spirituality and you would love to meditate daily – set a short term goal of learning about a few different types of meditation and beginning once or twice a week. The object is to have a goal in mind that excites you but not to feel overwhelmed taking that first step. When you have that long term and short term goal/intention in place, I ask that you sit for a few minutes eyes closed and imagine yourself there as you have a smile on your face – it creates that energy to give you momentum!
- Affirmations – We sure have no problem saying mean things to ourselves. We can bask in something we feel we did and/or said wrong for days/week/months or even years. We need to begin to give ourselves credit and let ourselves know we CAN move forward. We CAN change. We DESERVE better!!! I think a little differently than some on affirmations. I feel there has to be some truth in it or we will meet resistance and that can cause the opposite effect. An example was when I was working on healing myself from 7 years of chronic illness and pain. If I had said, “I am totally healthy.” when my body was feeling extreme pain, I feel I might not have healed as I would have met a ton of resistance as my ego and self said “that’s NOT true!!!” Instead I told myself “I am working on feeling better every day.”, “I am learning new tools to help myself feel better.” These resonated and the result was a total and complete healing in 3 weeks.
- Action Step: Think about the two areas you will be working on. Come up with powerful and believable affirmations that resonate for you. If you want to begin a spiritual or exercise routine – It would be healthier to say, “I am happy with the amount of spiritual and/or physical exercise I do regularly rather” than “I exercise or have a spiritual practice for an hour every day”. You want to make the affirmations positive but not in a way that encourages you to judge yourself if you don’t meet some standard you have set.
These are three tools you can begin to use today to bring about the needed change in your life. It does not have to be complicated. It does not have to take years. It does involve you knowing you are worth it and being kind to yourself as you adapt to these new habits.